So as a 3 I am very used to getting what i want. In general things are easy for me and if not, with an little (sometimes a lot) of effort I can just make things happen. If i want it then it shall be so is generally how I roll. I see something, i go for it, and i get it.

Until now… I fell in love a few months ago. It’s divine, infinite, true, etc… REALLY spiritual for me. I can’t pretend to know what other people experience when they are in love but my experience has been indescribable, it’s Godly…

Now it’s ended, by the other other person, and for the 1st time in my life i feel like i have no control over the outcome of my life. I am 100% convinced this person is my soulmate. The person i have known for many many lifetimes. I feel like we have been trying to make this work for many many lifetime and everytime this person has sabotaged it.

Anyway, the point is, i am struggling with this lack of control. No matter how much I want it, this relationship is one thing i can’t “make happen”… it a sobering reality for me! Ahh, life… love… so complicated! So perfect too tho! This too shall pass!

First, I thank our reader for sharing what sounds like a very challenging story.

Second, I’d like to ask a question of all our readers: Does this sound like a type-specific issue to you?

I ask because I’ve had a very similar experience in my life, and I have also seen a couple Type Seven friends experience this as well.

Is this something that affects Threes and Eights more because we struggle with control issues? What about the Sevens? Is it simply their Eight wing that makes this situation feel so hard?

Or is this kind of experience more universal?

We’d love to hear your thoughts.

There’s a great gal who I know through social networking. I have had a theory for years that she’s a Five (she reminds me SO much of Tina Fey), and I’ve spent numerous hours trying to tell her about the enneagram. One night I even held a little mini class introducing people to the enneagram spontaneously at a bar. Three hours. Seriously. And this gal listened the whole time.
But still, apparently was unconvinced of the awesomeness of the enneagram.

(Sidebar: She and a type Seven both called me an evangelist today. That’s good, right? )

So today I ran into her and she told me she had a story for me. She and her spouse were hanging out and she frivolously made reference to the enneagram.
And her spouse asked her what that was about.
So she looked it up to tell him about what Type Five (which I told her she was) was all about.

And after they spent an hour and a half reading all about it, her spouse and her both being amazed at how much Type Five’s description DID describe her, now she sees that the enneagram is “actually pretty deep.”

So the tip on type here is to NEVER underestimate a Type Five’s need to discover things for themselves. You can tell them all you want about something, but until they do their own research, it won’t have much juice for them.

She talked about playing the “Positivity” game. I was curious and asked her more about it, because, well, I always apply everything people say to myself to see if I think it’s useful or true. (Yeah, I know, I’m an Eight.)

My Four friend talked about how she tries to apply positivity to everything in her life, saying “yes” at least internally, if not externally, to everything that comes up in her day.

I was struggling with that a little, in terms of whether that seemed applicable to me. I mean, I have a consistent level of judgment. But is judgment the same thing as negativity? And doesn’t my judgment serve me? (Sure, I can have my negative days, but mostly, I feel pretty positive.)

This got me to thinking about what it is that I do to work with my way of being. And I realized that I play my own game, which I’ve dubbed “Alternate Stories.” It’s about surrendering my certainty about why people do the stuff they do, so that I get less triggered by it. (Read more about my Alternate Stories game here.)

So now I’m REALLY thinking…do we all have different games we play, or ways of coping with our personality types, our innate energies?

My Type Nine hubby pointed out that my Alternate Stories technique really would not be helpful to him. He’s plagued with enough possibility as it is, and figuring out what reality to believe in is already hard enough for him.

If you’re reading this, tell us: What’s your game and is it related to your enneagram type?

But the clearest example of type is portrayed by Sharon Gless, as the Type Two mother of Burn Notice hero Michael Westen. Take a look at the vid and see what you think.

Pictured here is me and my friend Mollia. We are both dance/fitness instructors with The Nia Technique and we co-create dance routines for our students. We’ll do musical selection, arrangement, and choreography centered around a theme. For both Mollia and I, this process is a passion, a labor of love.

I think our productive partnership speaks to the synergy between a Type Seven and a Type Four. We love to “talk shop” – theory, process, the art and craft of creation. We both get flashes of genius, and we support each other to follow through to completion.

No doubt, she brings an appreciation of depth and the benefit of preparation. I keep us balanced by trusting the moment, and emphasizing play and unrehearsed goofiness. It’s a stellar combination.

Now some people would just ignore the moose. But my mom and my stepdad are both Type Ones, and when they found their property being visited, they figured out the Right Thing to do. They put a big black tub full of water near the pond for the moose to drink out of.

During the chilly winter, they go and break the ice in the tub and make sure there’s still available water for the moose when they can.

And it’s not just moose who reap benefits from my parents’ place. They’ve put up just the right birdhouses for several species of birds, they’ve planted the right trees and bushes to attract good bugs and other birds, and now they’ve built boxes to keep bees.

What’s noticeably One-ish about this to me?

It’s the way that they have learned what is right in nature and done their best to emulate it. They are devoted land stewards to the place they occupy, and I can see the joy on their faces as they get out their binoculars to bird watch from the house windows. They bask in the peace that comes from sitting on the patio and simply BEING in their yard which fits right in with all the natural surroundings.

There is such a gift from Type One in this way–that they see the Right Thing to be done, and make sure to do it. And the moose, for one, thank them.

Dr. Cox cracks me up, as do all expressive Eights, in part because they say and do the stuff that I choose not to. As an Eight strongly connected to my inner Two, I limit and filter out much of what my Eight WANTS to say because, well, I like having friends.

Dr. Cox calls out stupidity, ignorance, uncertainty, and pretty much anything else that gets in his way. While my Eight part loves to watch that, I would have a hard time with the repercussions of behaving that way in my real life.

I allow a few moments, from time to time, of just blatantly stating the obvious, making a hard-edged joke, or being otherwise overtly reactive to people, and I believe that because these moments are more rare and (most of the time) filtered through my spirit-connection and Self, they’re much more effective in provoking change.

There is a time when cutting through the crap, calling out the BS, and even exaggerating extremes is called for. Unfortunately for Eight, that time is not ALL the time. So when we’re healthy, we learn to moderate inside ourselves a lot.

But that doesn’t stop me from finding it cathartically hysterical when I see those moments happen, repeatedly, on the screen.

–Margaret Wheatley

This is a picture of me and my BESTEST guy friend in the whole world, Peter.
Peter is a type Six with a Seven wing and a psychotherapist in private practice.  He’s also an extrovert which (combined with the 6w7wing) makes him quite the connection junkie.  He loves spending time with friends, and social groups with a shared purpose or common goal.

He is very masterful at making me feel safe and cared for.  When he comes and picks me up for a ride, I can shut off the part of my brain that worries.  Ahhhhhh….

And he’s a first-time Dad to baby-boy Finn, who’s almost 8 months old.  I think Sixes are natural Fathers.  Peter is so gentle with Finn, and loves to hold him and isn’t too much of a dude to baby talk .  It’s actually quite adorable!

So, a few of the positive qualities of type Six that I’m bringing to light here: they can be amiable friends and community members, doting Dads….and they have the capacity to make most people feel safe and attended to.  Oh, and they aren’t afraid to be goofy.

I think being a Six is a VERY good thing!

Tip on type: Wanna make a Seven happy? Buy them something that solves multiple problems all at once AND looks good in the process. This rolling bag holds all my dance class supples, is waterproof, lightweight, and good-looking. Yeah, baby!

I’ve been wheeling that bag around the house with a stupid smile on my face! How special!

He let me come into the back of the store and film him whipping some cream cheese. It makes sense to me that Six would be able to be so normal on camera, simply doing his job, without affectation.

Some key things to look for in this video of a Type Six are his sense of comfort, safety, dedication to service and personable ease.