When we seek for connection, we restore the world to wholeness.
Our seemingly separate lives become meaningful
as we discover how truly necessary we are to each other.

–Margaret Wheatley

This is a picture of me and my BESTEST guy friend in the whole world, Peter.
Peter is a type Six with a Seven wing and a psychotherapist in private practice.  He’s also an extrovert which (combined with the 6w7wing) makes him quite the connection junkie.  He loves spending time with friends, and social groups with a shared purpose or common goal.

He is very masterful at making me feel safe and cared for.  When he comes and picks me up for a ride, I can shut off the part of my brain that worries.  Ahhhhhh….

And he’s a first-time Dad to baby-boy Finn, who’s almost 8 months old.  I think Sixes are natural Fathers.  Peter is so gentle with Finn, and loves to hold him and isn’t too much of a dude to baby talk .  It’s actually quite adorable!

So, a few of the positive qualities of type Six that I’m bringing to light here: they can be amiable friends and community members, doting Dads….and they have the capacity to make most people feel safe and attended to.  Oh, and they aren’t afraid to be goofy.

I think being a Six is a VERY good thing!

This song just popped into my head and I sought it out on YouTube.

Try a Little Tenderness by Otis Redding

And watching him perform it, I realized that this is the tactic we so often forget to take with ourselves.

Working with our enneagram types, we get frustrated or saddened by the challenges of just being us. But there is nothing in our egos, our personalities, that is there by accident or design flaw.

Everything within us exists for a reason. So says Systems Theory. All the components of what makes us up function together in some kind of a dance. More like the relationship of stars and planets than that of gears in a watch, but everything is all working together.

As an Eight, I do have the gift of direct speech, of quick judgement and action. And I also have the challenge of weighty words. My actions are loud and powerful, simply by the energy of who I am.

And there’s a way I can criminalize myself for any misstep. Any action I take, any word I say, if not examined and filtered, could have major repercussions.

Combine that with the fact that I’m a Sagittarius (aka the one who struggles with “foot in mouth” syndrome), and you see a recipe for a person who could make a lot of destructive mistakes.

That’s one way to look at it.

It took my great friend Dina many hours over an emotional dinner to show me that I didn’t need to further hobble my powerful words. She showed me, through the lens of the enneagram, that my Eight, with all its glories and struggles, is so necessary to the circle of life.

And as I started reframing who I am based on knowing my type, I realized how much my inner Eight needs my kindness, sympathy, and wisdom. I don’t need to shut her up; I need to listen to her and lead for her, not from her.

Seeing Otis Redding today reminds me of this.
What if, in our self-exploration and healing, we kept that viewpoint in mind. Said, “how does this serve me?” rather than “how do I get rid of this?”.

What if we tried some tenderness?

Have you brought kindness to your inner enneagram type? If so, I’d love to hear about it.

Susan Rhodes, author of The Positive Enneagram.

Isn’t she just glowing?

I think she felt very celebrated.

We invited our community to Susan’s book release party this past Saturday. Twenty enneagram lovers gathered at my home on Capitol Hill. I had the place shined up to a sparkle (a Seven goes to One), and we ate…boy, did we eat!

Check out the spread:

It’s classic, I had to leave early to go to my friend’s wedding. A Seven overbook?…Never!

Oh, and another classic moment: the party was a type Four-fest. Fours seem to be the majority at most of my events. I’m interested in why that is. Are Fours often the majority at enneagram events or is there a special draw in my events for them?

Over 60% of the people that came were Fours. So, party-goers spent lots of time deeply connecting, or so I heard.

All I know, is that the party was supposed to run from 4-6pm and the conversations lasted until after 8. My events are usually open-ended. I like it like that.

I wish there’d been someone around to take a picture…
Dina and I were just drafting some descriptions for our upcoming enneagram workshop and it strikes me that our method looks pretty type-specific.

I’ll try to paint a word picture for you: Dina, the Seven, was in her bathing suit lolling around on a blanket in the sun, offering up ideas. I, the Eight, was sitting in a chair with her laptop, fully clothed with a sun hat and shades on, typing up her little bits of brainstorm material.

She periodically went into the house to get tarot card books and to show me inspirational images. I was typing and documenting. She’s bringing the airy ideas and I’m grounded them into tangible existence, making sure they don’t flutter away.

Can you see it?

How are you in your type bringing a specific gift into the world? We would love to hear about it!

(By the way, stay tuned to the Events page for a revised explanation of our workshop this September. It’s gonna rock!)

Hi friends and Enneagram Lovers,

I’m writing to remind you that I am hosting a book release party for Susan Rhodes’ groundbreaking book, The Positive Enneagram, this Saturday from 4-6pm at a private residence on Capitol Hill in Seattle. Please RSVP by commenting below or emailing info@enneagramlovers.com. I will then send you the address.

The event is being sponsored by Remedy Teas (yummie!) and we will be serving light refreshments.

Come one, come all, for what will certainly be a delightful afternoon!

Here is a video of me talking about what brings out my Seven self. What brings out your type?

Tune into King5 tonight at either 5pm or 10pm to see if I get on TV!

Rachel and I often have breakfast at The Bagel Deli, in part because of this wonderful Type Six owner and operator, Dale.

He let me come into the back of the store and film him whipping some cream cheese. It makes sense to me that Six would be able to be so normal on camera, simply doing his job, without affectation.

Some key things to look for in this video of a Type Six are his sense of comfort, safety, dedication to service and personable ease.

For our first online video, I sneaked a quick shot of our type Two friend Meegan. Being a Two, she kept being goofy when she knew the camera was on her, so I grabbed a shot when she wasn’t paying attention to me, hoping to get her authentic energy on film.

I think this shot captures her vivaciousness, humor, and perky relational connectiveness very well.

And for those who will wonder, yes, I absolutely did get her permission to use this. (Hey, I’m an Eight. Sometimes I find it’s easier to try something first and get permission afterward.)

Many thanks to Meegan M! You are a charmer, doll.

I just helped Dina buy her first MacBook. She is ridiculously excited. In fact, she even got the Apple store guy who served us feel excited.

When I first met Dina four years ago, she was a talented dance teacher who didn’t even own an iPod. Now, with our type Five connecting points pinging off each other, we’re both techie’d out!

As you can see in this picture, she’s pretty dang jazzed. I’ll bet part of her believes she could launch the Space Shuttle with that thing.

There’s a way in which you might not expect me (an Eight) and Dina (a Seven) to be so into computers and websites, social media and all that. But I think as our generations become more intertwined with computers, our types evolve to take advantage of the new playground.

I suspect for Dina, it’s another kind of dance floor. And for me, it’s a whole world I can control. Heh.

As a Seven and an Eight both comfortable with our inner Fives, I gotta say…look out, world!

I’m laying in the sun in my backyard and my mind is sooo busy: what will I wear tomorrow night? I think I need some water. Should I go get another cup of coffee? Eeegads.

Exhale. Life at point Seven. So mental. I’m noticing, breathing, accepting, and…BLOGGING!?

Too funny! My confession today: I’m a thinkaholic and an exclamation mark junkie!