This song just popped into my head and I sought it out on YouTube.

Try a Little Tenderness by Otis Redding

And watching him perform it, I realized that this is the tactic we so often forget to take with ourselves.

Working with our enneagram types, we get frustrated or saddened by the challenges of just being us. But there is nothing in our egos, our personalities, that is there by accident or design flaw.

Everything within us exists for a reason. So says Systems Theory. All the components of what makes us up function together in some kind of a dance. More like the relationship of stars and planets than that of gears in a watch, but everything is all working together.

As an Eight, I do have the gift of direct speech, of quick judgement and action. And I also have the challenge of weighty words. My actions are loud and powerful, simply by the energy of who I am.

And there’s a way I can criminalize myself for any misstep. Any action I take, any word I say, if not examined and filtered, could have major repercussions.

Combine that with the fact that I’m a Sagittarius (aka the one who struggles with “foot in mouth” syndrome), and you see a recipe for a person who could make a lot of destructive mistakes.

That’s one way to look at it.

It took my great friend Dina many hours over an emotional dinner to show me that I didn’t need to further hobble my powerful words. She showed me, through the lens of the enneagram, that my Eight, with all its glories and struggles, is so necessary to the circle of life.

And as I started reframing who I am based on knowing my type, I realized how much my inner Eight needs my kindness, sympathy, and wisdom. I don’t need to shut her up; I need to listen to her and lead for her, not from her.

Seeing Otis Redding today reminds me of this.
What if, in our self-exploration and healing, we kept that viewpoint in mind. Said, “how does this serve me?” rather than “how do I get rid of this?”.

What if we tried some tenderness?

Have you brought kindness to your inner enneagram type? If so, I’d love to hear about it.